I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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