my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just saw a hot homeless man
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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