well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
