haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You're like the curious george of whores
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
