Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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