Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
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