You made me cry and you don't even care
Girls should come with a carfax report
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
