I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
