Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
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