I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do vagina's smell?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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