I like to think it a success when the cops are called
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
