I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
