a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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