how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
