Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
