I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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