the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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