East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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