I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
