i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize