What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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