ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
