I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
