I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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