I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize