I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
