i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
