Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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