I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
