All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
