4 words: hood of his car
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
