my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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