when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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