I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
