I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
