I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize