If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
