So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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