I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
