I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just threw up on my dentist
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he thought i was a dude.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
