the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
