my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
birth control should be required to get into college
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
