Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize