Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
