I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
