I think my fart just growled at me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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