he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
