im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
