I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
my poor anus
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
