When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
