I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
