So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
