My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
