At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
