just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
