I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
did i just pee glitter
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize