I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
