booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Where are you guys?
Drunk
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
