He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's just like the Real World with babies
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize