Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
