my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
