its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
