He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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