this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
