you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
two words: eviction party
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
