i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
