I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize