6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
