Have you finally orgasmed yet?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize