Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
