Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize