I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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